Elliot

 A little bit ago, 4thewords suffered a bug that wiped out quite a number of words. Most were able to recover them; I was not. It’s killed my motivation to write, so I’m not writing, and I’m getting depressed about it. I need to figure out how I’m going to recreate those words, but it’s such a big task, it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how to handle this.

Last night I asked Cal if he thinks we chased the mice away, because no one had seen or heard one in like a week. The moment the question was out of my mouth, we heard utterly *desperate* scrabbling from the recycle container. Cal put another bin in it to contain them; didn’t crush them, because there was stuff in it, of course. He took it out to his work and let them go this morning. 

I’m either going to go back to sleep now, or play Breath of Fire 3 a bit. I’m edging to more sleep, but I don’t really want to do that. I’m just so tired…

Cal didn’t want to take me to my 2 week followup, which is fine, except he said he would. And then pulled it back to, “Have Dad drop you off and I’ll pick you up.” To “Have Dad take you so you can go grocery shopping today.”

This would be disappointing enough. However, he told me later (like, 20 minutes ago) that he pulled up to his boss with, “Sorry, can’t do OT, I have to take [Joshua] to a doctor’s appointment.” And, like…? Am I being too terribly unreasonable for not wanting him to do that? Show up for me or stop using me as a get out of work free card. I don’t exist for your convenience! I only seem to exist to this guy when it’s convenient for him!

Anyway… I apparently have a unicorn diagnosis! The adenomyosis wasn’t a surprise to me (which leads me to question why it was a surprise to my surgeons, but I digress) but adenomyomas was, and my surgeons had never seen a case of it before in the wild. Educational for us all!

The surgeon who I saw today seemed very relieved that the pathology report was 100% benign, which… I already knew logically because I’m not dead yet? It’s been damn near 2 years since the problem was noticed. If there had been cancer, it would’ve killed me by now, I imagine. But her reaction to it kind of makes me wonder if they were spooked by the adenomyomas and didn’t immediately know what they were. 

Okay. It’s 4 PM. Let’s go see how much writing I can get done before I give up.

 

I might go back to sleep after this.

So yesterday I had to deal with two collections accounts, one of which was mine, although I’ve never gotten a bill (I know the testing was done, they just. Didn’t give me a bill, and I can’t pay what I don’t have a bill for).

The other was not, and I’m getting really pissed with the guy who had this phone number before me not paying his bills.

In other news, Cal put his phone on snooze RIGHT BY MY EAR this morning, which wasn’t fun.

Yeah. I’m going back to sleep. 

I went with Cal to grocery shop this morning. I won’t call it a mistake, but I’m feeling it now. Almost 2000 steps where for the last week and a half, I’ve gotten MAYBE 500 a day.

I’m hoping that I’ll be okay enough to go for 2-5 minute walks every day this coming week. We’re still under an extreme heat warning, but 5 minutes should be too dangerous.

My hands hurt terribly for some reason, which is weird, because I haven’t really been using them as much as I usually do. Have I? In any event, maybe today will be a reading day. I’m working on To Shape A Dragon’s Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose. It’s good so far, but I’m reading it slowly, because the chapters are short and I’ve been stopping after a chapter. 

Oh, I also managed a shower last night. I just washed my hair and got out, as I’m not comfortable getting soap on the incisions yet. Still, it was nice to rinse off, at least. I’m going to be doing that every day, hopefully, and next week soaping up. 

I’m gonna go… well… write. I still want to get my words down for the day, pain be damned. 

I was in bed by 8:30 last night. I’ve just been so tired, and in a LOT of pain. I don’t understand why it’s getting worse and not better. 

I also realized my glasses were across the room the moment after I got comfortable. I’m hoping to hold out until Dad gets up and can bring them to me. I might not be able to do that, though. Not because I need my glasses, but if I need to get up for anything. 

So I was copying a book into digital format. It’s out of print and not anywhere in ebook format, and my copy is in tatters. And I can’t read physical books anymore, holding them hurts my hands. So I figured, turning it into an ebook for my own use is fair. I’m not sharing it, and I’m not selling it or claiming it as mine. 

Well. I lost it. I really didn’t want to buy another copy of the damned thing (This is the… 5th or 6th copy I’ve lost) but I was so close to finishing it. Le sigh.

I’m gonna go do my writing and then play some video games. 

So a continuation of yesterday’s post, after playing phone tag with my team (and NO ONE knowing who I was supposed to actually call) my gyn finally sent me to the ER ”out of an abundance of caution”. They did nothing for me that couldn’t have been done at the office except give me zofran, and I while that was nice, I didn’t strictly need it. 

That derailed my WHOLE day, but we’re back on track. I need to take my everyday meds, and then I’m gonna get started writing a bit.

It’s been a rough morning. I woke up feeling okay enough, and started playing Suikoden 2 in hopes of clearing it before my switch’s battery died. I did not accomplish this, but I also developed a monster headache, took something for it, and turned off the lights and put on a meditation, then napped until the headache was mostly cleared. It lingers, but not nearly as badly as it was before.

My belly and undersides are bothering me, though. The incision sites and the bruising itch SO BADLY and I’m starting to develop twinges of pain. I’m not worried, though. Yet. I think this is all normal.

Anyhow, I’m going to try to actually write today, rather than simply repairing files. It’s been too long since I got words down.